“finding purpose”: a very funny story + big news

okay, so it’s 11 PM and i am lying in my bed, rolling-laughing-almost howling at: a) everything i’ve written so far, b) how stupid i am, and c) a thing.
i assume it’s bedtime for you too and you are tucked in your bed in your comfiest pajama with your head resting on your favourite pillow, ready for a bedtime story.

here we go.

there was a girl who started an internet thing once.
it was a little space / “blog” (i can’t bring myself to call it that way yet, okay?????).
sometimes she wrote things. sometimes she re-read them and asked herself where the person with those ideas had gone.
all the time, she kept thinking about it and about how she did not feel qualified enough to give out recipes or any other kind of thing her brain produced because she had this fear of coming across as a selfish, know-it-all brat.
and then she found some lines on one of her absolute fav blogs (i’ll spill the beans at the end on who said this, juuuust before bedtime) that go like this.

“the more I mulled over the actual existence of it (the blog), the less i thought i had /could be able/ to contribute to people’s actual lives in a productive sense.”
“a regular log of that stuff–where people can see it and generally like or be annoyed by it too? eeeeeenh.”
“the whole thing felt kind of silly (“blog” as an actual word, bluh awful).”

that. that.
the girl marveled at that same exact who do you think you are to tell me how i should live my life, excuse me?!?!!!!? feel she had. she kept reading and she kept thinking.

it took her long enough to realize that she was not really forcing anyone to do or even read anything in the first place. “showing” does not necessarily mean “showing off”.
and yes, probably she was foolish to even start the thing without having a clear picture or true purpose, i know.
(even if she read an article praising impulsiveness in creativity opposed to the need to plan – that so often results in no real concrete action – and it made her feel like a superhero………)

seeing those “link-love” kinda posts all over the web, she thought a lil more.
I HAVE SO MANY THINGS I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!, her brain screamed. everywhere. everything. all the way.
so what not make that internet space simply for sharing all the stuff that made her life more exciting, easy, happy or worth living???
in the hope that maybe it might inspire someone to make his or her or their life more exciting, easy, happy or worth living too? all that soul-nourishing hippie stuff…
you get that? #goals, i know. the girl is so smart.

the answer to the question “what are you trying to do here” shoulda been a no brainer for that girl.
but not all things are. sometimes you gotta enjoy the learning process and the confusion that comes with it. free!!! because we are human beings!!!!! ;) (i’m pretending i like this whole human being thing but let’s be honest, it can be really annoying at times)
even if that means taking some time to yourself or spending nearly a year figuring out what to do with something you created in the first place.

and now? what’s the girl gonna do?
the aforementioned no brainer: go with the flow.
expect some lists (her favourite thing), lots of links, a bit of jams and absolutely random stuff.
articles she loved. books she has read. travels she’s planning / has done. recipes she digs. blogs she follows. ideas she has, philosophies she lives by, advice she thinks you should know, maybe even the occasional rant or two.

and also experiences she will make in a little more than a month, after she has moved to NEW YORK CITY.

whooooooooops. this is where the “big news” part of the title comes in.
the girl is packing up her bags (will all the cupcake pans fit in there??????), getting on a plane and moving from a little teeny tiny town in Italy where everything is walking distance to the ~~greatest city in the world~~ (get the reference and i’ll mail you cookies, i swear.)
the whole thing is – positively – beyond unbelievable to her and she is soooo determined to make the most out of it.
that’s why she will 1. focus on it! 2. talk about it more in depth in the future ;)

and now that she’s made a post in third-person, she’s cheesy happy and ready to get shot. tee hee.

oh and about the name of the girl?
A GIRL HAS NO NAME. (get this one too and i’ll mail you brownies. dead serious.)

oh and also. free tip, so you can close this page feeling like you have actually learned something useful: never, ever, make cake with food coloring using your fingers a little too much in the process and then absentmindedly lick them.
free tip #2: if you’re stuck between wanting to do something and not doing it because you keep asking yourself why, ask yourself why not and then proceed not to care about both. unless you are planning to kill yourself. in that case please be still. i am serious. i love you.

see you around? soon-ish, with big move talk and possibly a new layout because this one is an absolute mess. /wink wink/



p.s. a special mention goes to the one and only bae who, of course, had the right answer for when i was struggling with words and sent a helpless text.
“write about me. because you know, i’m awesome and hot and fantastic and everybody should know that. not that they can’t see it with their own eyes, they just need to get it in their face.”
and i kind of totaaaally, unconditionally agree with that. #sorrynotsorry

p.p.s. of course the post is from laura @ thefirstmess. plus some raised buckwheat waffles which, in the humble opinion of someone who made them last week, are verrrrry great. ∞


One thought on ““finding purpose”: a very funny story + big news

  1. Katherine McIver says:

    Costanza — you are a marvel and this is fabulous — I wish you the best in all you do!

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