i am 18!!!!!!
i know it’s been ages but LIFE HAPPENED. i don’t wanna talk about apologies, buuut…
in this so-called life i am a now a so-called adult.
/error 404: adulting not found/
but on my last shower as a 17 yr old i’ve been struck by some thoughts.
so now prepare for some sappy, mushy stuff because that’s what the doctor ordered today.
as a one-year-older person, i think i have something more.
and that something is the knowledge that, i mean, hey, it’s me.
i don’t care about matching clothes and my fav clothing item is sweatpants.
corgis are my patronus, vegetables are my favourite thing in the world and i like waking up mega early in the morning.
i might be a little bit too much on the anxious side but hey, i love that too, because it has allowed me to do some pretty awesome things and it makes me be productive on a daily basis.
i am musical theatre trash and water is my fav drink. i’m not one of the cool kids who smokes. i’m just a health conscious vegan folk, probably.
and what i’ve realized is: HEY, IT’S ME. and i love this. all of this. and by all of this i mean all of the people who made me the way i am too.
what makes me happy is different from what makes other people happy and that’s it.
that’s literally the point – the happiest thing in my bday day so far has been blueberry oatmeal and i like that. /side note: i blurted this out at about 8 am and there was so much more to come/
i am not ashamed of what i am.
i mean, i might be a little ashamed of myself after i’ve acted up like a bitch or slept 3 hours ignoring my bodily needs but heeeey, i’m human, even if somebody doesn’t agree.
i would be ashamed of myself if i was supporting donald trump or if i rooted for war – let’s not cross this line please.
i know that there will be moments when i forget all of this good stuff and will be ashamed of myself, and that’s okay too.
just knowing that these thoughts have crossed my mind once is enough to me.
judging eyes are e v e r y w h e r e – not only in enemy form, but also in friends’ form.
and the friends’ ones might be the most dangerous ones, because one is drawn into changing to please them even more sneakily and subtly and might not even notice that what he / she / xe labeled as ‘friends’ advice’ is really only ‘friends’ opinion’.
the point is, i make mistakes and that’s okay. what counts is that i am an overall okay person.
i am not perfect but i will be better.
i might not have like, a six pack NOW but who knows, eventually i’ll get one if that thing still sits in my list of priorities.
i think this is one of those speeches that you read everywhere, that you’ve heard at least a bajillion times in your life, but you don’t really get it until… well, you do.
until you’re standing in your shower humming your fave version of defying gravity and you realize that you are what you are: an ever-changing lump of mixed media art.
and if you’re lucky, you might even realize that you have a bunch of people who like you as you are. corgis, vegetables and all.
because there’s always someone who doesn’t eat their vegetables and is more than happy to give you theirs, amirite?!?!?!!!
and there’s always the chance to make your own birthday cake, just to make sure you get it exactly the way you want it (read: a towering mass of oreos and pretzels and salted caramel and hazelnut mousse).
and some things you thought were impossible, such as getting to wear a princess-worthy gown on your birthday, are not actually that far from reality and quite easy?????!
not to mention the fact that there is a time of the night perfectly designed to dance in the comfiest penguin-studded onesie.
or maybe, that getting a derp corgi action video for your birthday is actually the wickedest sh*t ever, pardon my use of language, but it really is.
random enlightenment could also come in the form of a book you were totally not expecting to get you that much. almost as if you wrote it – out of the blue, a book you bought just because its cover caught your eye on the bookshop shelf, a book on which you absolutely must write a lengthy piece because other people just neeeeed to hear about it too.
(i am so obsessed with things i think other people need to hear about lately)
it is all so full of wonder.
and the rare moments when it clicks into place, it all matches perfectly, those are the moments that make it all worth it.
as 2000 as it sounds, here’s what some of my above-mentioned extra cool friends made while i was not looking / too busy hugging the planet-y cosmos sweatshirt that i’ve been wanting since forever and that’s finally mine courtesy of the one and only bae:
reminder that bdays are just days like any other day and subsequent petition to make every day as important as a bday.